Imagine being a Cleveland Browns fan and the cops are like, “dude, you can’t drink alcohol here” and then wondering how else you’re supposed to be a Browns fan.

Well, that happened. The Cleveland Division of Police posted their “rules and regulations” for tailgates in the Muni Lot during all Browns home games this year and it does not look fun at all.

Before we review the Muni Lot rules, take a look at these fans as they were about to go there before last week’s season opener:

What are those fans doing? Hmmmm… now here’s the rules from Cleveland19 who posted the list:

Here is the complete list of regulations for tailgaters in Cleveland:

  1. No open pit fires

  2. Propane grills only (No charcoal)

  3. No alcohol

  4. Saving spaces prohibited

  5. You will be charged for all parking spaces that you occupy

  6. No in & out privileges

  7. All litter must be dispensed in trash containers

  8. Vandalism of any type will not be tolerated

  9. Crossing the shoreway is prohibited

  10. No private latrines.

  11. Lanes must remain clear of activity at all times


I only agree with a few of these rules.

No in and out with your car – that’s fine.

No littering – of course that’s fine and we clean up after ourselves here in Philly. Well, most of us do, unless you’re a dirt-bag.

No vandalism – of course that’s OK.

Keep the lanes clear? Sure, no problem when there’s a car coming, but if there’s no car on the way, then we’re balling in the lanes and enjoying ourselves with a catch here and there.

Now some of the other rules… hehe… where do we begin.

Saving spots? Yeah, don’t think so. You know darn well we’re saving spots for our buddies. We WILL pay for both spots ahead of time tho if we can.

No private latrines. Eh, what if we have a trailer and it has a bathroom? Come on, man! You know we come correct with these RV’s and the toilets in the back. Plus the college girls will show you their tatas if you let them use it. Trust me, I know for a fact this is a possibility. Tatas for toilets is a real thing.

No open pit fires? Well it’s freezing during some games, so why can’t we get a little fire going?

No alcohol? You must be literally insane to think I am tailgating and not drinking my body weight in Natty Ice during a tailgate. I can’t imagine going to a tailgate any other way.

Propane grills only? I don’t care about this. But isn’t charcoal a lot safer in the sense the tank won’t fall off the back of a truck on the way home… just saying. I don’t care how people grill their food as long as we all eat.

The police in Cleveland say if you violate those rules, then you could be fined or ejected. One sip and you’re out? Hmmm….

I think it’s best if people tailgate in other lots.

Maybe the Muni lot is for step-dads to take their single mom’s son to try and look cool.

But you know you’d look a lot cooler having fun in the other lots haha!

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Frank is a Phillies and Eagles fan, gamer nerd (Destiny 2), and Dad who graduated from Kutztown in PA. He played lacrosse in college and the PBLA, the Philly box league that featured many top tier college and pro players. He now runs up and down the basketball courts in hopes of maybe scoring once or twice. He works as webmaster and advertising specialist for many big name websites outside of sports. He also thinks writing in 3rd person is dumb as shit. I wrote this myself bro.

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